Hello blogging world.

Sorry no pictures.  Just some thoughts on life.

Lately.  Things have been.....a little challenging.

Laney.

School is going much better than last year, which I am thankful for.  But, still.  Laney is just who she is.  Laney alone has taught me more about life and people than I ever really wanted to know!

Ya see, growing up.  Although I was very mouthy at home, I NEVER challenged another adult. NEVER.  I was and still am a rule follower.

And then God...

Yup, He is always messin' with me.

He gives me Laney.

Laney, who is NOTHING like me.  Who challenges every.single.adult she comes into contact with.  Who has PLANNED escapes from Sunday school because she doesn't like the toys.  Laney, who REFUSED to take the computer test at school.  And every time they opened the lap-top to have her try, she would just slam it shut and say "No."  Who after telling her 5 times to "not pick up other peoples' babies," picks up some random baby and places it on a booth like seat to where the baby couldn't get down.  Why?  WHY?!?!?!??!!?

Seriously. I have read every James Dobson book.  Looked up information on the internet.  Come up with so many creative ideas for discipline to write a book!  And there is nothing I can do.  God has given me a "gift."  A child who will not just do as she is told.  So, I am forced to more patient than ever thought possible.  I have to explain the why and what to EVERYTHING!  Not because I want to, but if I don't, she might come up with her OWN reason why she should do something.  Which is NEVER a good thing.

....deep breath....

So, as I reflect on another challenging day with Laney, I wonder.  "Really, God?!  A fourth?!" 

 (I do want to say, I know there are MANY people out there struggling with having children.  I am really sorry for you pain.  Really, truly I am.  And I want to be sensitive here.  So, please hear my heart!)

I am REALLY just not cut out for this job.  After a day like today, I am so exhausted mentally.  I just really don't want to be in this stage any more.  I hate these training years.

This leads me into my thoughts recently.

After much thought and conversation with friends, I have come to the conclusion that God DOES give us more than we can handle.

Yup.

Because then we so desperately need Him, we would not survive with out Him!  (or our children for that matter!)

That is why Laney is my gift.

She has caused me to seek God in ways I never dreamed of!  I am on my face for her DAILY!  I read the word of God with her DAILY!  I pray with her, DAILY!  I believe God for break through in parenting her.  I ask for wisdom to get into Laney's head, because I know my King knows her heart. I pray a thousand times a day for PATIENCE!

Talk about a way to get my attention!

Not that I wouldn't have sought God, but Laney has FORCED me to seek Him!  I am at a lost most days in what to do!  Trying to force Laney to do anything is a JOKE!

And God, in all His goodness, does give me moments.  Some are things to laugh at.  But, sometimes.  Every once in a while.  God shows me the person Laney will be.  Although it does not change the fact I am frustrated RIGHT NOW!  But, it gives me a glimmer of hope.  Of things eternal.  Of the things that really matter.

Like when Laney cries because somebody doesn't believe in Jesus.  How when I give her a kiss she says, "I am NEVER going to wipe that off!  Because I love you that much!"  Who prays for her little friend in class who is always getting in trouble.  When Laney writes lyrics and sings songs written to HER King, Jesus, from her own heart!  Laney, at her core, is good.

If God have given me Ike or Gabby first.  I would never have appreciated them.  Also, I would most certainly be very proud of the parent I was! Gabby and Ike are very compliant and easily entertained.  They don't tell me things like, "Mom.  You are wrong.  I can hear better than you.  It is "Fairy God Parents", not, "Fairly Odd Parents."  (Remember.  She is 5)  They sit and read books.  Clean up toys when they are asked.  THEY LIKE TO SLEEP!

Any bit of pride I might have had as a parent has been totally burned away.  I can honestly say that if there is ANY inkling of good parenting in my body, it is all from God.  His wisdom. His ideas.  Because apart from Him, I got nothing.

So, as I close another day in the "Life with Laney", I am thankful for her teacher as she sees that Laney is stubborn, but is quick to mention her good heart!  I am thankful for the mom, that as she was nursing, let Laney touch her baby.  I am thankful that Laney will follow Christ all the days of her life.  And not because of what she was "told to do", but because she genuinely loves Him.  I know that seeking God on her behalf will bring a harvest!  I just have to make it through these years without strangling her!

I am thankful to God for His many gifts.  And although most don't feel like gifts at the time, I am thankful that He does allow me to see His eternal in all the trials.

And that my friends, are my thoughts for the day.  A bit random, as I used up all my logic on the person described above!

Adios!