I have lots to share about the past few days, but am dedicating this particular blog to Gabs.

Gabrielle's story begins at 12 weeks pregnant.  I had NO IDEA I was pregnant with her.  I know people say nursing is NOT birth control, but what are the chances of NOT trying and getting pregnant on that "one day" of the month?

I cried a lot at first.  Isaac was only 9 months, and I was recovering from some pretty severe postpartum depression.  But as always, God's timing is never our's.  So, I did my best to be happy.

We chose to not find out the gender.  I hated it at first, but found it to be one of the best decisions I ever made!

Gabrielle Aleya was born just over 2 weeks early.  (Which who knows! She could have been full term!)  When they told me it was a girl, (not that I cared the gender), I burst into tears. "God is my might" was born.

You see, with Laney and Isaac, once they were born, being a Mom was so foreign to me.  I hear a lot of Mom's talk about this gushing love in their heart for their children and I did not feel that way.  At least not with Laney and Isaac.  I felt this responsibility.  A list of things that I had to accomplish in their lives.  I can remember not even really liking Laney until she was 1! ( I know that sounds terrible, but Laney was EXTREMELY colicky, chronic ear infections, and a terrible sleeper!)

But something changed with Gabby.  I am not sure what.  Maybe the element of surprise.  Maybe I felt more prepared.  I am not really sure.  But that gushing love was felt when she was born.

Now, I love all my children equally, but most certainly appreciate different things about each one of them.  Laney, my independent thinker with a big heart.  Ike, my obedient comedian.

But Gabs.  She is my lover.  She will sit on my lap for an hour snuggled up.  Gabrielle LOVES life!  Watching her run anywhere with her dark brown hair bobbing up and down helps me to appreciate her little-ness.  I never appreciated that with the other 2.  

I will never forget when she was 2 months old.  I was nursing her, crying over Isaac, and I felt the Lord tell me that she was "My gift".  You see, when I found out Laney was a girl, I prayed for a little girl that looked like Gabby.  I know that seems tacky and irrelevant now, but I most certainly got the opposite when Laney was born!  (In such a good way, but this blog IS dedicated to Gabby!)

Anyways, she really has turned into my gift.  Not that she is the most obedient, or my favorite.  She just helps me to see the world how children are supposed to teach an adult.  Not that Ike and Laney could not have done that.  But I was so caught up in being the "perfect Mom" that I never enjoyed who they were as infants and toddlers.

So today, as I chuckle that she got bit at Sunday school.  I'm grateful for Gabby.  This great surprise!  What you say?!  Laugh because someone bit her?!  Well, she WAS pushing the little girl around because she wanted a particular toy.  And when Gabrielle wants something, watch out!  She was taught by Ike and Laney!

Gabrielle, who truly has no fear, and thinks she is 5, like Laney.  That when Isaac is jumping off the top of the slide into the pool, why can't she do it too?!  She interests me as she is not really like Jacob or me.  She is who she is.

Gabrielle.

So, a look into my heart today!  Love you Gabs!

Until next week!

Adios!

I really am putting forth an effort to blog as much as I can!

Today was a nice break.  I worked from 12-7:30 today.  It is not my permanent job.  I just fill in when they need me.  (Or really when I desperately need a break from my children!)  And I REALLY love working there.

Laney was sobbing when I left.  It was bittersweet.  I liked being missed, but sad I was disappointing her.  That lasted about 2 minutes, and I was off.  Not having children grabbing my legs and screaming for juice was music to my ears.  Normal conversations about life rather than why it is important to pee are always inviting!  I arrived home to Laney and Ike performing a dance they had made up for me.  It was pretty cute!  Naked butts and all!

I have a lot of things I have been thinking about lately.  Thoughts of why God gives to some and not others.  Good and bad.  

Why does a couple, who would make amazing parents, struggle with infertility?

Why does someone who loves God and chooses to completely submit their entire being to Him, find themselves suffering in the most heart wrenching ways?

Why do some people hear so clearly from God?

There are so many questions that I have.  And I know that really everything boils down to this question.

"Do you trust God?  Or not?"

6 years ago, I would have flippantly said, "Of course I do!"

A lot has happened since then.  And I find that this faith and trust that I thought was strong and true, was REALLY put to the test.

I can honestly say, I do trust Him.  I trust that as a child of God, whom He loves, would only choose what is best for ME.  Even when I look at other lives, and wish I had what they had, God has chosen something different for me.  And I am learning that in His perfect love, I can trust His plan.  I'm not saying His plan is easy, or even fun. Yes, there are moments of joy.  But, no matter what is thrown at me, I know He loves me, and would not allow it unless there was a specific purpose.

In this place, I find peace.  All of these scriptures I have known my whole life have taken on a new meaning.  I get it now.  I really get it.

So, as I walk with God, and new things are thrown at me, I'm accepting what He has for me.

Now I am done with the "stuff".

Moving onto the GOOD stuff!

So, continuing our fun summer, Jacob has taken up fishing!  And that means Ike has as well!  He loves it!  Ike will tell you all about his fish that he caught!  Ike is turning into this fun little boy, and I am eating up every second of it!

I also have a random picture of them in the van.  It is so funny, I had to share it!

These kids crack me up!

And that is pretty much what we did last week!

Adios!

If you could see me right now, you would see me with a HUGE grin and skipping!

This past week of steroids was the best yet!

We still had some hiccups.  Like constant laundry from pee leaking at night.  Ike was a little emotional.  And by day 5 he was pretty tired and was complaining of his legs hurting.

But ya know what?!  Barely any whining!  Seriously.  Just less of that makes my life SO much better!  If this is my life for the next 1.75 years, I will take it!

We were SUPER busy this past week, so I am going to do my best to catch everyone up!

On Tuesday, after our HORRIBLE day, Ike woke up and asked to go to the train yard.  So, I got on the internet, and did some research. I know a few of you asked where we were.  It is at the end of Judd St.  You take Chicago Dr. and head North on Judd.   You drive to the dead end, and you are about 10 feet from the tracks!  The trains only move at certain times.  We got there at about 11:50 and saw about 4 trains.  Let me warn you, it is a little sketchy!  There is broken glass, and some trash on the ground, but TOTALLY worth being that close to the trains!

 

This train was in motion, and we were able to get that close! They even blew the whistle!

After about 20 minutes, there wasn't any more trains.  So, we went and explored.  Gabby found some rocks and sticks.  Just in case you didn't know, we don't feed our children!

On Wednesday, it was kids day at the Berlin Fair.  For the first time that I can think of, I actually ENJOYED my time with the kids!  I wasn't chasing, threatening, and trying to keep them behaving well the entire the time.  There were moments, but nothing like that past.  We really had a blast!  Thanks Mom and Jamie for all your help!

 

It's Frank!

We visited tons of animals!  Gabby was just shaking with excitement!

Laney, my cowgirl at heart!

We then had to ride all the rides!  My kids love them!

Doesn't he look great!  Since figuring our his stomach problems, he has put on almost 10 pounds!   He won't eat still, but we are keeping Ensure in business!

 Hi Aunt Jamie and Laney!

 Laney went on the roller coaster twice!  The second time she HAD to ride in front!  That's my girl!

So that is what I have so far!

I'm seriously thanking God for this past week.  Today Ike is still coming off the steroids, so he is a little achy.  But you know what, he TELLS me.  I can fix it.  For this, I am grateful.

So, until next time!  Adios!

My terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

Let me begin by saying this is by no way a reflection on the staff at the clinic.  Everything that happened could have happened to anybody.  

With that said, let me begin...

Ike and I had to be there at 8 a.m. to get our spinal. (Thanks Aunt Icka for watching the kids!) These days are always a little frustrating because Ike can not eat or drink after midnight because of the sedation. Try telling that to a 3 year old.

We get our vitals checked and back into a holding center to wait for the nurse to start our IV. 

I always dread these times.  You never get used to pinning your kid down while they scream.  Your heart never stops breaking.  Although I don't sob physically anymore, my heart always does.

First try, miss.

Second try worked, they got some blood to do the CBC, and the vein blew.

So, the nurses decided just to send me to sedation and have them start the IV.  I go down by myself.  Tons of confusion as to why I am there.  So I sit while they figure it out.  Finally, around 9:30, they bring me back.  This time the nurse used a larger gauge needle and Ike just SCREAMED.

I broke.  3 times did me in.  I couldn't stop crying.

We started to put a movie on and wait for our spinal when the nurse came in and told me that we had to head back upstairs.

Why?

Well, Ike's platelets were at 10,000.

What?!?  

He is normally around 300,000 and this would mean Ike would be bleeding internally or something awful like that.

So, he would need a platelet transfusion before his spinal tap.

Sigh.

Ike then started REALLY crying for food and juice.

We get back upstairs, and the nurses felt something wasn't adding up.  He didn't have ANY bruising.  We have NEVER needed a platelet transfusion.  When they started those 2 other IVs, he stopped bleeding right away.

They decide to draw the CBC again.  By this time it is 10:15.  They try to draw blood off his IV, but it wasn't coming out, and they didn't want to blow the vein again.  So off to John to get ANOTHER poke.

Ike was crying to go home, and so was I.

They sent the CBC off, and it came back that his platelets were 337,000.

10:45, we head back down to sedation to get our spinal tap.

Ike finally begins to wake up at 11:30, and he was NOT happy.

I spent 20 minutes with my arms and legs wrapped around him to keep him from trying to walk.  It was awful.  I have bruises on my collar bone from where he was bashing his head into my chest.

By noon, the day started to turn around.  We were there until 1:45, but once we got hooked up for our anti-biotic, Ike could play! And Ms. Jen was there!  We love her!

AND, the social worker came to tell us about a new program available to us!  Ike still has to do shots at home.  So, this program provides a poke prize box to keep in your home!  YAY!  

And, Ms. Jen arranged for Ike to get free ice cream downstairs after all his horrible pokes.  Ike then didn't want to leave the hospital!

Sorry kid, I wanted to be long gone!

And that was my day at clinic.  I did get a picture of his huge bowl of ice cream!

I would take a week of steroids any day after that day in clinic.

And now on to the fun stuff!

Swimming.  And a ton of it!  Laney got a hold of my camera and took some pics of her best friends!

 Emmy, Jada, and Noah!

My kids and their blankies...

Also, Laney decided to turn everyone into fairies, and I FINALLY remembered to grab my camera.

Isn't he a cute fairy?!!?  (I'm totally kidding.  This kids needs to hang out with boys more often!)

And that is all for now!

Adios!

First post on new site. 

Here goes.

How are things?

Well. BUSY!  In such a good way!  Us, like the rest of you, are taking in as much sunshine as we can!  I never bring my camera.  But I will try more often!  We have been swimming up a storm!  Going to parades, watching fireworks, and weddings!

But, before I post the few pictures that I have, an update on Ike.

Well, he is doing amazing!  He still won't eat, but he will drink that ensure!  Since then, he has packed on almost 10 pounds!  He LOOKS awesome!  He has strong calf muscles like his dad!  Ike runs, jumps, and leaps onto everything in sight!  Today, in particular, was a happy day for me.  We filled up our little pool with hose water.  Which meant it was FREEZING!  Normally Ike would have avoided this seeing as he had no body fat.  But not today!  Today he jumped right in!  We put the slide in the pool to make a water slide, and that kid was going down on his stomach face first!  Such a different kid from 3 months ago!  These moments never get old to me!  They are normal.  This is what a NORMAL 3 year old boy should be doing.  Now we just struggle with him being 3.  I swear he must have held out from his two's!  Ike is a pistol!  The most annoying little brother you can imagine!  And fighting and testing me every spare second he gets!  I get frustrated, but deep down, my heart is singing.  I can do this.  Crying from pain that I can't find the source, that I can't do.  

People ask how he is doing, and in short, he has a great prognosis.  A  98% chance of a normal life after this.  A week and half every month is ruined with clinic and some other meds he has to be on.  But the other two and half weeks?  Normal.  The treatment is just very long.  Just over 3 years.  November will be two years.  So, a long ways to go.

And enough about Ike.

Some of the FEW pictures that I have is the weekend before the fourth!  The family went up to spend the night at my dad's trailer in Newaygo.  He decorated the boat for the fourth.  Ike and Laney went sort of tubing with Mom, and Gabs enjoyed getting into everything and trying to drive the boat!

I could not pick which one I liked most, so you get all three!

One day last week, I was burnt out on swimming.  All the laundry, packing , and wet clothes were getting to me!  So, we went to the mall!  I let Laney dress as a princess.  We ate Panera, played at the tree, and of course, the carousel!

Laney has turned into an amazing little person!  I really enjoy being around her.  She always wants her hair like mine, and is really into putting on make-up!  I totally indulge her because I love it!

Gabby.  Oh Gabby.  SO independent!  She learned to put her own shoes on!  And do you know why?  Well, because I put the yellow ones on her, and she didn't like them!  So, she took them off and put on the princess ones!  She sure showed me!  She has also taken to taking off clothes that she doesn't like as well.  We are also working on her speech.  Ike had the same problem.  She can say a few words.  But, really, she screams a lot.  So come September, if it doesn't improve, off to Ken-O-Sha again.

Our next clinic visit is the 16th.  Ike WILL be getting his spinal.  And I WILL be hiding his juice cups better!  So, that my friends, is an update!

Adios!