I sure do love summer!

Being outside has been glorious!  My kids just do well in wide open spaces.

So here are the recent happenings in our house.

We love to swim, but I was getting tired of all the packing and unpacking that entails.  So, we took a day off. And while Aunt Jamie was getting her nails done, we played at the mall!

Laney LOVES Jordyn.  Probably TOO much most times.  I am constantly yelling and reminding Laney that she can not carry Jordyn, or make her a bird in a nest.  A battle that I am losing.  But Jordyn loves her none the less!

Oh my word!  Aunt Ne-Ne sent us these belly tattoos.  We had a BLAST doing them!   I didn't get pictures, but she also got us finger puppet tattoos!  We did our best to have a puppet show.  But that was kind of disastrous.  Hence the lack of pictures.

Oh fat baby!  We love you so much!  Jordyn is now 6 months.  Sitting on her own and rolling everywhere.  I swear the child never cries.  She doesn't even cry when she wakes up in the morning!  Well, except the one time she got her leg stuck in the rails.  I think she thinks that if she stays quiet, no one will know she is there.  Then she will be safe!

Poor Jordyn!

I have been TRYING to come up with things to do with my kids.  Mostly to keep them from destroying things!  So here is what we have so far!

Lots of arts and craft.  Who knew this painters paper could be so fun!  With washable paint of course!

Feeding and taking care of Jordyn.

Owen came to visit while Aunt Katie took Ike and Laney to Despicable Me too.  They loved it.  Gabby and I loved on Owen.  Well, Gabby tried to smother him. I kept him alive!

My favorite treat.  Smores.  We haven't had a campfire, so stove it is!

Lastly, walks to the park.

And although these photos make me look super fun.  I lost my patience A LOT during every single one of these fun things.  Kids are hard.  4 is a lot!  I am just doing my best to keep them alive and not give them too much stuff to work through in therapy!

I think that this week has been especially tough with Ike finishing another round of chemo.  As I have shared with some of you, Ike has not been his wonderful self.  He spent an hour and a half screaming, sobbing, and telling me he hated me because I would not take him to Meijer to return the pop cans.  I didn't say "no", I just said "not right now".  Those moments leave me exhausted.  6 more months of treatment y'all.  I can't wait.

I do have a lot more on my mind, but for now, a fun post.  Lots of pictures.  Which I always love!

Adios!

Triggers.

Wow.

I was having a conversation with a friend last night who is working through some tough things, and for whatever reason I randomly brought up triggers.

You know...those things that bring up memories.

Some good.

Some not so good.

Good ones for me is the smell of Eternity cologne on my husband, cool summer nights, the smell of rain about to storm.

These make me smile just writing them!

Some not so good involve Ike's diagnosis.  Wedgewood Park was a big one for me.  The day before Ike was diagnosed, I found myself with friends and VERY frustrated that Ike wouldn't play and wouldn't stop crying.  We left early because he wouldn't stop.  Also, a picture of the Fulton Street farmers market.  I haven't been there yet, but just remembering how he wouldn't get out of the wagon because his legs hurt.

Ugh, these make me want to cry!

Sometimes you can know what these triggers are, and a lot of time they just hit you.  Even trying to prepare for them, or thinking you will be ok when you face it.  Not true.

After this conversation with my friend, I had to go to a place that I KNEW was going to be a trigger for me.

Even though I thought was prepared for the emotions that involved with me going there, I was not.

I once again found myself grieving a life that once was and that will never be the same.  

My heart is so heavy even just writing this.

I knew I had to go.  And I know that I will have to go there again.  Many more times in fact.  I know that after the park experience, things got better.  So, I know this trigger will get easier with time.  But things just will never be the same.

I know someday I will be ok with it.  But, man.  My heart hurts!  Ever have that?!

I have found that that there have been people that have been journeying with me that have REALLY gotten me through!  Talking with them has helped.  And being surrounded by support has been life changing.  And lastly.  Jesus.  And all the prayers that have gone up on my behalf.  

Thankfully my husband knew that going there was going to be tough for me, so he picked up the house for me.

I got home to a good trigger.  The smell of lemon lysol in the sink and no toys on my floor!

After a few shed tears, (and some diet Pepsi compliments of Jacob), I felt better.

I began to think of the process that God is working me through.

You would think Leukemia would be enough.  But alas, it is not.

I had my pity party last night.  And I may have another one again.  But today I woke up to kids, laundry, dishes, and demands.  Life doesn't stop even though you think it should.  I woke up choosing to listen to Robert Morris and thanking God that today will be a good day.  You take it a day at a time, and you CHOOSE to trust and adjust.

And you know what?  Today hasn't been half bad.

I will get through.  We all get through, right?!

Let me encourage you, whoever this is for, it does get better.  The pain is and will always be real.  But you will learn to enjoy life again.  After Ike's diagnosis, blood clot, Jamie with brain tumors, and finding out Jordyn is a cystic fibrosis carrier.  You DO learn to laugh again.  And really ENJOYING laughing.  Things may come that are rough, but if you learn to adjust and accept the pain, you accept the joy that comes after the pain.  Although I am not to the joy part YET, I know it is coming.

Until next time,

Linda

Ahh.  I really truly have missed writing.

My family and I are in the midst of working through some major things.  I am not at liberty to share them here on this blog, but keep my family in your prayers.  And know that maybe someday it will be in a book that I may write someday! :)

So, onto life!

I am now 32 years old.

I do not dread getting older.  In fact, I don't really feel like I truly enjoyed life until after I got married.  (Well, appreciated life enough to enjoy it.)

 

I don't always talk about God on here, but know that He is on my lips and in my heart CONSTANTLY throughout the day!  Cancer, kids, family issues, and just plain life is overwhelming!  And there is really only one Person who controls it.

And it is not me.

When I was about 20 years old, I was having a ROUGH day at work.  (I worked at Lowe's in the flooring department.)  I had just dropped a 5 gallon bucket of carpet glue from the top rafters and there was glue EVERYWHERE!  I was just about in tears with everything that was going on in my life.  And I had some major things going on my life at that time as well.  In walks my Aunt Debbie.  She handed me a card and a Willow Creek angel.  The card was an invitation to a bible study she was starting.  Game changer right there.

Ya see, what you also don't know is that MY Aunt Debbie is the reason I love Jesus.

Every Wednesday night, she would pick up my two sisters and I and take us to First Assembly.  We started at Rainbows, then to Daisies, and then onto Missionettes.  This time is when I created some of my most treasured memories.  The car rides there and McDonald's afterwards.  Where the play place was outside, and there was the hamburger spinner that we would spin in until we puked.

This is where my love for Jesus began.

Back to my day at Lowe's.  I had kind of started going to church with my boyfriend, (who is now my husband), and navigating all this new found freedom.

So, I happily went to this bible study with my Mama in the faith.  She had carefully selected 12 girls, (I think), including my sisters.

 

This bible study has changed my life.

My Aunt and all the girls there walked with my through some pretty rough stuff.

And guess what?

 They still are.

This bible study just celebrated it's 11th anniversary.

Aunt Debbie has since passed the torch to my other better half, Leah.  And girls have come and gone, and come again.  But this gathering of women who love Jesus has nursed me back to health over and over again.

For this, I am thankful.  This group, and all the women past, present, and future is why I am still here today.  And in my right mind!

I am not sure why I decided to share that with you all today.  I guess in light of what is going on in my life right now, it is these friendships, this bible study, and other women who may not even be part of this group that help me get back on my feet.  All sisters in the Lord.  Taking care of each other!  Can I get an Amen?!

That is what is on my heart tonight.  And that being said, BRING ON THE PICTURES!

Oh Jordy, Jordyn.  How we love you fat baby!  You have made our family whole!  You made me love babies again!  I am lapping up every drop of your smiles and giggles!  You are a healing balm to my soul.  On those REALLY hard days, I love that you let me snuggle you REALLY tight!  Maybe that is why you are named Jordyn.

This child melts my heart.  That is all.

Laney graduated kindergarten.  She got the "Class Diva" award!  All while waiving her hand like a movie star to receive it!  And she turned 6!  Laney, as always, pushes me to new limits of parenting.  She is paving the way for her siblings I guess!

And Gabs.  So so cute.  And SO SO HAS A DEATH WISH!  She is constantly climbing, jumping, and running everywhere!  She thinks she is a super hero.  In particular, Bubbles from the power puff girls.  She has named Jordyn, Baby Bubbles.  She is currently obsessed with her newest cousin, Owen.  And really, we are all IN LOVE with him!  Gabs has nearly drowned 5 times, and is in love with "baby bugs" which are usually dead bugs she finds on the sidewalk.  We call her "Sticky" because although her long hair is gorgeous, it is awful to take care of with suckers, popsicles, and really any time she eats!

And lastly, Ike.

We have an end in sight.  His last day of chemo is 1/14/14.  The day before Jordyn's 1 year old birthday.

We could not be more excited.

Clinic has been ROUGH!

Ike remembers things better now.  He is stronger.  He fights harder.  So, life with him has been tough as he navigates all this new knowledge.  We have had to have some hard talks about death and and why we take this stupid medicine.  Plus all the emotions that come with getting poked.  Always a new challenge right?  Some things get easier, but you exchange it with something else just as hard.  But the day will come when we will no longer have to go in for monthly check ups.  Ike will live a long wonderful life.  For that I am always grateful.

Whew!  Here's to you if you got through all this!  Hopefully it will not be another 3 months until I update!

Adios!